you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Randomize
