uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
