I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
