So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
