Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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