and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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