New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
