k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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