office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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