So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
