Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
