I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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