Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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