Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize