where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
