So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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