she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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