Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
