We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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