so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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