im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
