I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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