its not stalking. its research.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
