who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He did a backflip because drugs
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
