he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
