It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he was CRYING into my vagina
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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