we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
