glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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