theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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