Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
