textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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