Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
