I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
