Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
