lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
