A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
