I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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