So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Drunk is not a location!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
