dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
