Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
