I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm getting married
To pizza
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
