apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
