i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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