I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I need to align my fucking chakras
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
