was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
