He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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