Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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