Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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