Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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