So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize