This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
