anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
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