Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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