Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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